LETTING GO TO BEGIN AGAIN
At certain points in life, we begin to realize that the things that once gave us strength no longer work for us. Tasks we used to handle with ease become more difficult. Ideas we have held for years begin to lose their meaning. Habits that once helped us move forward now seem to keep us in the same place. No matter what we do, we feel that we can no longer be the person we used to be. At such times, the same question comes to mind:
“What should I do now?”
An old legend about eagles offers an interesting answer to this question.
According to the legend, an eagle eventually reaches a point in its life when it must make a difficult choice. As it grows older, its talons become less effective at catching prey, its beak loses its sharpness, and its feathers grow heavy. The powerful bird that once soared effortlessly through the sky can no longer hunt or fly as easily as before. According to the story, it faces two choices: continue living as it is and eventually lose its strength, or accept a painful transformation.
The eagle chooses the second path. It retreats to a high mountain and isolates itself for a while. It strikes its old beak against a rock until it breaks. Then it waits for a new beak to grow. Afterward, it renews its worn talons and sheds its old feathers. For a time, it remains vulnerable, enduring the cold, solitude, and long wait. Eventually, new feathers grow, and the eagle is ready to spread its wings once again.
It is important to clarify that this story is not biologically accurate. Eagles do not break their beaks against rocks, pull out their talons to replace them, or shed all their feathers in this way to begin a second life. But the fact that a legend is not scientifically true does not mean it cannot give us something to think about. Sometimes, the value of a story lies less in whether its events actually happened than in what it leads us to consider about our own lives.
Human beings, too, reach turning points when change becomes necessary. We begin to recognize the flaws in ideas we have considered correct for years. We realize that habits that once made us feel secure are preventing us from growing. We come to understand that positions, titles, and the approval of others are not enough to make our lives meaningful. Perhaps the hardest realization is that the qualities we have used to define ourselves for years no longer seem to fit us.
We find it difficult to change not only our habits but also the identity we have built around them. Admitting that we are wrong, abandoning an idea we have defended for years, recognizing that we have stayed too long in an unhealthy relationship, or leaving behind a way of life that no longer serves us is never easy. Sometimes, changing a behavior is not enough; we must also reconsider the person we have become through that behavior.
Moreover, change does not always mean adding something new to our lives. Sometimes, moving forward requires letting go. We may need to abandon our desire to win every argument, our habit of repeatedly revisiting old hurts, our excessive need for other people's approval, or goals that no longer reflect who we are.
Each of these decisions may feel as though something is being taken away from us. Yet sometimes, letting go is simply a way of making room for ourselves again.
Still, it would be a mistake to treat every painful experience as an opportunity for growth. Suffering does not automatically make us wiser or stronger. Sometimes, it simply exhausts us and leaves us wounded. What matters is what we learn from our experiences and what path we choose afterward. The meaning of change lies not in how much pain we endure, but in what we are able to do differently in ourselves and our lives as a result.
Throughout my more than forty years in academic life, I have thought a great deal about the human capacity to learn and change. Over time, I have come to understand something more clearly: Learning is not simply about acquiring new knowledge. Sometimes, it means questioning an idea we have always accepted as true. Sometimes, it means openly admitting a mistake. And sometimes, it means recognizing the harm that a long-established habit causes us and the people around us. The day we stop questioning ourselves is the day we largely bring our own growth to a halt.
Growing older presents an interesting test in this respect. The years give us experience, but experience does not always bring wisdom. When we become too attached to methods that worked in the past, we may struggle to understand a changing world. An approach that brought us success yesterday may become an obstacle today. The challenge is not to deny our past, but to carry forward what it has taught us while remaining willing to chart a new course when necessary.
Of course, beginning again does not mean completely rejecting the person we used to be. Our past mistakes, just like our achievements, are part of what makes us who we are. But respecting our past is not the same as becoming its prisoner. We can remember who we were yesterday while deciding who we want to become today.
Sometimes, we do not need to make dramatic decisions to begin again. It may be enough to stop postponing an apology, listen to someone more carefully, start a task we have been putting off for months, admit that we were wrong, or gradually let go of a habit that no longer does us any good. These seemingly small steps can, over time, change the direction of our lives.
Perhaps the real challenge is not always to become stronger. Sometimes, it is to be honest enough to admit when we are wrong, courageous enough to question what we have grown accustomed to, and patient enough to wait for the consequences of change to unfold.
Life does not always give us the circumstances we want. We grow older, experience losses, fail at things we care about, and watch certain doors close in front of us. We cannot change all of these things. But we still have a say in the kind of person we choose to become in response to what happens to us.
That is what the legend of the eagle makes me think about: Sometimes, to continue moving forward, we must say goodbye to an old version of ourselves. This does not mean declaring our former selves failures. It means accepting that the time has come to change.
Perhaps, at certain stages of life, we should ask ourselves a simple question:
“What is it that has carried me this far but is now preventing me from moving forward?”
If we can answer this question honestly, we may have taken the first step toward a new beginning. Because sometimes, what we need is not to try harder or push ourselves further. Sometimes, we need to stop, reflect, and leave behind the things that no longer serve us.
Let us remember:
“Beginning again does not mean denying who we once were. It means choosing to become more conscious of who we are by learning from our past. Sometimes, to change our lives, we do not need to change the world; we need to change the way we see it.”